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Monday, May 16, 2005

ATTH



Everything gets reviewed these days.

Heck, someone with a camera phone and a blog probably insta-reviewed my early morning walk down to get a cup of minty chai and a raisin scone this very a.m, so in that spirit let’s review the latest product of Portland's newest sporting multimedia mega-corp “107/Timbers Army”… the fanzine Ax to the Head or ATTH as it's fondly known.

First
up ATTH looks like it's been put together by a troop of DeBrazza monkeys who escaped from Portland Zoo and have just come into possession of a container load of Adderall destined for an OHSU ADHD trial…This is a compliment.

Second - The writing cocks a snoot at well-formed standard prose, thumbs it's nose at sentence construction and stamps on contemporary standards of typography and layout. This too is a compliment.

Third
- It reads as if it was written, typed and stapled during a game (maybe it was for all I know!). This too, dear reader, is a compliment.

In short it brings a smidgeon of the passion, wit and intelligence of 107 to a wider audience (PGE Park security willing).

In issue number 2 Jack Nicholson welcomes us into ATTH's world and once inside it's a 20-odd page trip into the darkest recesses of some of 107's best minds. Having frequented Bristol Rovers' home on a few occasions in the 1990's the thought of the ATTH's Editor-in-Chief being a Bristol Rovers Ultra amuses and scares me in equal measure...timberlog drifts off into a haze whistling "Good Night Irene..."

ATTH #2 starts (as surely do all modern publications?? Isn't it a requirement to get an ISSN number) with a Dwight Jaynes piss-take and rolls quickly into the letters page. Of course any publication worth it's salt forgoes the "…I like your magazine...keep up the good work" format and goes straight to the fake letters from Seattle Orca-chapeau wearing web-obsessives and cult ex-players...or maybe they are real...it's that kind of work, who knows…up is down...left is right...Preston Burpo is a fine upstanding gentleman loved by all. You get the picture.

A personal fave of mine in this issue has to be “The Wit and Wisdom of Fadi” which gives us a whirlwind trip through the experience the Syrian's gained in his travels through life. For example:
America is filled with big businessmen who all have ideas about how to trick a boy from Syria. But let me tell you this, Barbara Sue Seal and Tom Moyer: I eat your kind with my tea!

and
Many people today are afraid of men from the Middle East, which is sad. Besides, as we all should know, the real troublemakers are the Swedes!

... Deepak Chopra this aint.

What about player interviews I hear you ask? Well they’ve got 'em, although Mr. Roberto is going to run out of players willing to talk to him if his tête-à-tête with Scott Benedetti is anything to go by. I imagine he's going to have to go undercover before too long. Of course the first time someone from the Timbers decks him with a swift upper cut will only provide more perfect material for the book he is surely working on as we speak.

Then it's Ballad of Reading Gaol-PDX Stylee as 107's own Rusholme Ruffian tells his story of his run in with Seattle's WorstTM.

Then it's a hop, skip and a jump onto the dugout with a guide to kiwi slang, dating made easy with Brian Winters and the Ax to the Head classifieds...all top quality stuff.

All in all ATTH rocketh, in all it's Samizdat, rootcrack stained, smoke-bomb and printing ink fumed-glory, bringing us a small glimpse into the life of 107 one smudgy, askewed page at a time.

As long as the shadowy people behind ATTH have a vast slush fund for the upcoming lawsuits, which are as inevitable as the next Josh Saunders clean sheet, everything should be hunky dory.

Timberlog verdict: track down and slap down the one US dollar purchase price pronto.


posted by the timberlog at 3:41 PM



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Byron Alvarez

Fadi Afash

Jim Taylor 2003

McKinley Tennyson

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10Q - Bobby Howe

10Q - Jim Taylor

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Bobby Howe - Pre-season

10Q - Hugo Alcaraz



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