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Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Come Yuppies, Come Hooligans, Come Nude Dancers!

Portland's worst sports columnistTM is finally coming off the rails. In his last missive before he is shunted off to the Ross Island Home for the Feeble Minded..... Dwight Jaynes bundles some of his pet hates together. Soccer, Portland and probably himself!

Fuming at the lack of progress in attracting a MLB side to PDX, Jaynes calls Major League Soccer the perfect fit for the Rose City.

From there on all bets are off as Jaynes spins his initial concept into the far reaches of cosmic space and time.

Amazingly linking soccer (which as we all know appeals to "yuppies and hooligans") to a dislike of public transport and public funding (just plain "the public" probably) Jaynes goes onto fume about public urination, the Multnomah County income tax, signing for the hearing impaired and "nude-dancing emporiums".

Unfortunately Jaynes ran out of space before he could link "same-sex marriage", "off-leash areas", "begging" and the "terror threat" to the evils of MLS.

No mention of the Timbers making the playoffs, Alan Gordon or the amazing atmosphere at PGE Park, natch. This is a sports column after all.

posted by the timberlog at 10:14 AM



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