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Thursday, August 16, 2001

Dear Timberlog,

I don’t know what to do and I’m almost at the end of my tether! I have been seeing this person (although he’s so complex that sometimes I look at him like a whole bunch of people!) for nearly 4 months. When our affair started it was magical, sure there were some nerves on both our parts, but after our first real date I was on cloud nine. The excitement! The passion! I felt so alive. I felt like shouting from the rooftops! Then a period of domestic bliss where things were going so well (my friends were jealous!), but since then things have been on a rocky road downhill. First there is the issue of gifts. Now I’m not into the showy, glam side of a relationship, never been one for gold rings or diamond necklaces, but just occasionally a token of affection would be nice. At first he was talking about getting me some sort of silverware, but then he stopped mentioning it, it was like he didn’t even get as far as the store! There was a lot of talk about something better later in the year, but even mentions of that recently have been met with a harrumph, a shrug and a non-committal “lets wait and see”. Does he care about me at all? And then there are the trips out of town! He did explain at the start of our relationship that his work takes him on the road, but most times when he comes back he’s in the most foul mood imaginable and, just as bad, rarely brings a thing back (I’m not asking much, again I don’t want to sound like I’m in this relationship just for the rewards and gifts!!). Then there are the mood swings. One day he’s all defensive and then the next day he’s all hustle and bustle, except all his energy seems unfocused. I just want a bit of consistency that’s all! He’s been away on business again and is due back home any day now and instead of being wildly happy at his return I’m apprehensive. It shouldn’t feel like this should it. Some of my friends tell me it’s just a relationship and get used to the ups and downs, whilst others (my best friend for example) tell me that he’s an emotion-phobic and I should dump him for someone more in-tune with his feelings, someone who doesn’t mind showing his affection (with the occasional gift maybe!?).

What do you think?

Tormented in Tualatin


Dear tormented in Tualatin
I think that you are probably suffering from early-relationship syndrome. A great first few dates, a few nice evenings at home around the fire, a couple of drinks, a video, all homely and you think this is how it will be for evermore. Get Real! This is real life and a real person(s). Things will change. A new relationship, a new city, a new haircut, a new outfit, all this puts the spring in a step and a bounce in the heart, but things can’t go on like that forever. As for your attachment to material signs of his affection, sure I can sympathize, it’s nice to get some trinkets once in a while, but are you sure you haven’t missed any less obvious signs? He may be working hard at this, but not (sorry for the soccer metaphor!) hitting the back of the net, but he’s trying! As for his working away from home, sometimes being away from those who love you can be stressful and depressing. Hotel rooms, distractions, no support from his loved ones, (even though you may surprise him once in a while with a impromptu visit) This is especially true if things aren’t going right, but you need to show some support and show some optimism. I’m sure he’d like to come back to a sunny disposition and an optimistic outlook. Who knows, maybe things will click, a few things going his way and maybe you will be rewarded with your material things, but if not…hey, have a good time and live every minute as it comes. I think that dropping him now would say more about you than it does about him. Remember. Show him some support and judge by the big picture. In these pick-and-mix times integrity is all.

timberlog

posted by the timberlog at 6:58 PM



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